The People

Many people around the place irrtate me, here is a select few.

The folks that take about half an hour to complete an ATM transaction. What is the bloody hold up? All you need is to enter your PIN number, select a few options, enter a cash amount and then presto! Money. Sometimes you may need an Account Balance before hand...sweet as, add an extra 30 seconds and it'll still take no more than 90 seconds. So what the hell is the hold up? Are these people trying to apply for a home loan on the ATM? Perhaps they are attempting to play "Funky Town" on the musical buttons? Or have they discovered a hidden gae of Pong? I propose a security guard with a rolling pin and a stopwatch monitoring slow ATM users to dish out a "hurry up" tap every 90 seconds.

People that greet you with "What do you know?" What sort of greeting is that? What do I know? I know lots...most of it useless facts, does the greeter wish for me to impart on him all of my knowledge? Perhaps I should carry around a book with all the pieces of information I have gathered over the years written down in it, The Encyclopedia Russtanica if you will. It would be a short book, with large lettering and lots of pretty pictures. Plenty of story line but not much in the way of a moral. There is no good answer for it either, the only answer I know that is remotely good is, "I know you are a twat for asking that question and thinking it is an appropriate way to say hello."

Celine Dion. I just really hate her. I saw her in an interview with Oprah (Come to think of it why the hell was I watching Oprah interview Celine Dion?) and everything the big O asked was answered in a way that'll make all the middle aged housewives in the audience, say "Awwww". Celine Dion you are a fake and a fraud and the world hates you.

Stupid protestors. In fact most protestors. I remeber when the world was all pissy about the whole "invading Iraq" thing, I was walking along a suburban Brisbane street and someone had sray-painted on the footpath "No War." Take that Saddam Hussein. What the hell was that meant to prove? I can see Saddam now, sitting in his palace when word gets to him, "Oh Allah...what have I done? Not the footpaths of Brisbane! Noooo!!" In fact, most protests are stupid. They always claim that the police have been too violent, yet there is normally two officers struggling to restrain one "peaceful" protestor, that too me looks like not enough force. What do thes people claim as suffecient force? Do they want the cop to knock them about with a teddy bear? Perhaps a Rock, Paper, Scissor duel would sort out who is boss.

Overly sensitive PC types. A good example of this took place here in Australia recently. A guest on a radio show who had been up all night at some awards dinner uttered the line "I feel like I've had sex with a black man." Maybe a little distasteful for breakfast radio but otherwise entertaining. He was accused of being Racist and Sexist for this comment. How? A spokesman for Rights for Gays organisation explained to the press the meaning of the comment, that it is a play on the common belief that black men have larger penis's and that's what made it offensive. I challenge anyone to offend a black man by telling him he's got a large penis. Actually you try offending ANY male by telling them their penis is big. And how was that being sexist? Should he have been up all night having sex with a man and a woman with no prefernce or bias towards either party?

You know those people that sue compaines for no reason. People that sue a coffee shop because they burnt their tongue sipping Java while driving, those people. But I don't hate them...well okay I do, but who I hate more...the people that award them these cases. Judges, Jury's and Lawyers are responsible for the increasing lawsuits, if they weren't so often succesful then no one would bother. Who in the world would agree with someone claiming that it was Nike that made them trip over their shoe laces, and not them and their useless shoe lace tying abilities. Prisoners sueing the Prison because their standard of living isn't good enough, it's not meant to be you lunatics! People are suing the AFL for getting hit in the head by balls during a match. Some fool is claiming that it was being hit in the head by an AFL ball that caused his brain tumour! Quickly someone get this blokes doctor to explain that the small useless growth in his head is not a tumour it is in fact his brain.

Paris Hilton. Why is she famous? Is it because she's rich? She's the Hilton heiress...daddy isn;t dead yet, she ain't got shit. She's pretty? She's a skanky anorexic...and what's the deal with the old squinty eye? She's famous for being famous...now that just doesn't make sense. I think she is famous for being the worlds most useless person. She sings-but she can't hold a tune. She acts-but she can't. Everyone loves her-did you notice anyone saying "Poor old Paris, I hope she is okay in prison"? All I heard was, "lock that bitch up," andhe'll get f***ed up the a** less. Unless she can be used for patching up the ozone layer, she is the worlds most useless person.

Glad I got that off my chest.